How Can We Find Meaning in Life? – Part 1

On May 31, 2018 By Dr. Casey LewisIn Practical, Uncategorized2 Comments

When I was in high school, my friends and I would pretty much do something almost every night during the summer. It wasn’t necessarily anything big or exciting. A lot of the time we would end up sitting on the tailgates of our trucks in our school’s parking lot. Even though most of the time we just sat in the Calvary parking lot, I rarely missed a night out with my friends.

Now, of course, I didn’t know this then, but I know it now, I was there every night because I wanted to be a part of it all. I wanted to be a part of it all because I was seeking meaning in the moments, in being a part of the crowd, in being in on every inside joke.

If we’re honest, we all seek meaning in something. Whether it be in the little moments of life, knowing we are in the “in crowd”, or something else, we all seek meaning in something. Maybe you are pursuing something right now that you believe will finally provide the meaning for which you long. Or maybe that which you have pursued so long has just let you down, and that’s left you wondering: How can I find meaning in life?

How can we find meaning in life?

Life Under the Sun

In order to answer that question, the first thing we need to understand is that life under the sun is meaningless. That phrase — “Life under the Sun” is used all throughout the book of Ecclesiastes, which, by the way, is going to be what this post is based on. Yes, we are going to look at the entire book. No, I’m not going to write a book. Anyways, that phrase — “life under the sun” — is used extensively throughout the book. The phrase itself refers to the things of this world. Whatever those may be — material or immaterial things. We will get into some specifics in a minute, but know that’s what this phrase is referring to — the things in this world.

Right off the bat, the Preacher in Ecclesiastes tells us that everything under the sun is “vanity” or “meaningless” depending on the translation you have. Starting in verse 1 he says,

“The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem. Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?” (Ec 1:1–3)

So the Preacher tells us that everything under the sun is vanity or meaningless. The Hebrew word for vanity is Hevel.

Hevel

Hevel is an interesting word. It literally means — smoke, vapor, or mist. To add to that list, one author I read recently used the word hologram alongside these others. I think that’s an appropriate modern-day addition to the list. If you think about it, a hologram, just like smoke, is something that looks real but when you reach out to grab it, you can’t. Your hand literally goes right through it. It’s not solid. It’s not something that can be held on to. That’s the image the Preacher is trying to drive home. He wants us to see that trying to attach ultimate meaning to things under the sun is vanity. That’s because those things, those moments can’t be grasped, they can’t be bottled up. They are here but they are temporary just like smoke, vapor, and mist.

I experienced a good example of this when I was in college. Midway through my college career, I transferred to the University of Georgia. The first semester I transferred there, I had a group of friends that I hung out with all the time. We had a lot of fun together. There was a lot of camaraderie in that group. But that fun, that camaraderie only lasted for a short time. By Fall things had changed. People had graduated, relationships had ended, we lived in different places. And because of that, the dynamic of the group wasn’t the same. But you know, the rest of my time at UGA I chased that same feeling, those same experiences I had that first semester because I thought they would provide me with meaning. You know what? I was never able to get them back. It was like smoke that had slipped through my hands. It was there for a time, but it couldn’t be grasped, it couldn’t be bottled up. That’s hevel. That’s vanity. That’s a chasing after the wind.

Along with hevel being something that is fleeting, that can’t be grasped, it also carries the idea of an enigma or an absurdity. An enigma is a mystery. It’s something that can’t be explained. An absurdity is something that happens that just doesn’t make sense. It’s illogical. So for instance in chapter 6, the Preacher tells us that God has given a man wealth, possession, and honor. He has given him everything he could desire so that he lacks nothing. But even though he has everything he has ever wanted, he doesn’t have the ability to enjoy it. Instead, someone else, a stranger, gets to enjoy it in his place. The Preacher tells us that’s vanity. That absurd, that’s an enigma. That’s something that just can’t be explained, it doesn’t make any sense.

So along with telling us life is vanity because that which we are seeking meaning in can’t be grasped, he also tells us that life is vanity because there are some things that just don’t operate how we think they should. There are some things that just don’t make any sense. That, then, leads the Preacher to conclude that everything under the sun is meaningless, it’s all vanity, it’s all Hevel.

Just the Beginning

That’s just the beginning of the book. The first 3 verses. Those three verses really set the tone for the rest of the book. It tells you that this is a book that’s going to smack you in the face with reality. It’s not a book that’s going to coddle you. There are no “safe spaces” here. Just the cold hard truth of the reality in which we live.

Personal Experience

We know it’s the cold hard truth of the reality in which we live because the Preacher is speaking from personal experience. In other words, he’s lived it, he’s experienced it. And he’s experienced it through tests that he has employed.

Tests he is able to perform because he’s the wisest and richest king to ever live. It’s widely thought that the Preacher in the book of Ecclesiastes is Solomon. If you know anything about Solomon, you know he had riches beyond measure. I mean, the gold was just pouring in like water. On top of being rich, he was a king. As King, he had the ability to do whatever he wanted. So when he tells us that he didn’t hold anything back, he means it. He literally gave himself wholly and completely to these tests with no limitations at all. That’s important to know because it means that there are no if’s, and’s, or but’s. There are no, “If only he would have or could have…” There was none of that. He experienced it all to the max. So the conclusions he provides can and should be trusted.

Next Time

We will stop there for today. Next time I’ll pick up with the actual tests the preacher ran.

Question for Reflection

When have you experienced vanity in your life?

Resources

Post developed from my sermon: Ecclesiastes – Hevel and the Secret to the Meaning of Life

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Was Jesus’ Resurrection an Illusion or a Reality? – Part 3

On April 30, 2018 By Dr. Casey LewisIn DevotionalsLeave a comment

Faced with the reality of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, how should you respond? Well there are two ways to respond?

There are Two Ways You Can Respond

(1) You could reject Jesus

This is what the chief priests did. Even though they knew the resurrection was a reality, they rejected Jesus and spread a lie to try to cover it up. They did that because they didn’t like Jesus or His message. Jesus didn’t fit their mold. Nor did He approve of their lifestyle. So rather than submit to Jesus as Lord and Savior, they rejected Him and sought to rid the world of him.

Many people respond in the same way for the same reasons today. That’s one way you can respond as well. You can reject Jesus.

(2) You could believe in Jesus

This was the choice of the Two Mary’s and the Disciples. Confronted with the resurrected Jesus, they believed. They showed their belief by going and telling others the good news — that Jesus is our Savior. That He has indeed resurrected just as He said He would. And you can respond in that way as well. You can respond by believing in Jesus as your Lord and Savior. You show that response by repenting of your sins, purposing to follow Him as your Lord, and professing Him as your Savior.

Conclusion

So today you have been confronted with the reality of the resurrection of Jesus, which means you have a choice to make. You can either reject or believe, but you can’t remain neutral. So how will you respond today? Will you reject Jesus? Or will you believe? Those are the only two responses to the resurrection.So which will it be? My prayer is that you will turn from your sins and call the resurrected Jesus your Lord and Savior today.

If you have professed Jesus as Lord and Savior, my prayer is that you will follow Him, that you will worship Him, and that you will tell others about the resurrected Savior. So how will you respond today?

Question for Reflection

How will you respond to the resurrection of Jesus?

Resources

Post adapted from my sermon: Was Jesus’ Resurrection an Illusion or a Reality?

Was Jesus’ Resurrection an Illusion or a Reality? – Part 2

On April 9, 2018April 6, 2018 By Dr. Casey LewisIn DevotionalsLeave a comment

While it is true that Jesus was dead when He was placed in the grave, it was also true that the grave couldn’t hold Jesus. After three days, Jesus resurrected from the grave. Matthew recounts Jesus’ resurrection for us. As we look at Matthews account we learn that:

The Resurrection of Jesus was a Reality (vs. Matt 27:60-66, 28:1-28)

While Christians believe and profess the resurrection of Jesus as a reality, there are some who object to the idea that Jesus resurrected from the grave. They say that Jesus’ resurrection was a hoax. It was all made up by the disciples who came and stole his body away. But that is far from the reality of what happened. And there are several clues in the text that prove that theory to be false.

A. The grave Jesus was placed into was like a maximum security prison.

Back in chapter 27 and verse 60, we learn that it was hewn from a single stone. In other words, this tomb was carved into the side of a massive rock. Which meant that there was no backdoor that the disciples could use to sneak Jesus out. There was one way in and one way out. That entrance and exit were guarded by Roman Soldiers. Look at the text starting in verse 62,

“The next day, that is, after the day of Preparation, the chief priests and the Pharisees gathered before Pilate and said, “Sir, we remember how that impostor said, while he was still alive, ‘After three days I will rise.’ Therefore order the tomb to be made secure until the third day, lest his disciples go and steal him away and tell the people, ‘He has risen from the dead,’ and the last fraud will be worse than the first.” Pilate said to them, “You have a guard of soldiers. Go, make it as secure as you can.” So they went and made the tomb secure by sealing the stone and setting a guard.” (Mt 27:62–66)

Here we learn that the tomb was not only hewn from a single stone with no backdoor, but it was sealed with Pilate’s seal, which meant that stealing Jesus’ body would be a criminal offense.

Along with that warning, armed guards were placed at the entrance to the tomb. These were highly trained Roman soldiers, who weren’t lackadaisical about their jobs. Remember their lives were on the line so they would have fought anyone trying to steal Jesus body to the death. That tells us, then, that there was no way the disciples could have come and stolen Jesus’ body away.

The only entrance to the tomb was guarded by Roman soldiers. Though some of the disciples might have been burly guys, they were no match for these highly trained Roman Soldiers.

But as we continue into chapter 28, we see that they didn’t have to fight these soldiers to see Jesus again because Jesus resurrected from the grave. We know He resurrected because:

B. The two Mary’s saw the empty tomb and met the resurrected Jesus.

Look at the text starting in verse 1 of chapter 28 with me:

“Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.” So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples.” (Mt 28:1–8)

So we see first that the two Mary’s saw the Roman guards frozen in fear, the stone rolled back, and the empty grave. As they drew closer, the angel spoke to them and told them that Jesus had indeed risen. But He hadn’t disappeared. They would be able to see Him again. He was headed to Galilee, and they were to go and tell the disciples to meet Jesus there.

On their way to go tell the disciples to head to Galilee, they encountered the resurrected Jesus themselves.Look at the text starting in verse 9,

“And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.”” (Mt 28:9–10)

The two Mary, then, not only saw an empty tomb, but they also met the resurrected Jesus. And the Jesus they met wasn’t a ghost or a spirit. He was flesh and blood. We know that because they not only bowed before Him in worship, but they grabbed hold of Him when they did. The last time I checked you can’t grab hold of a spirit or a ghost. We have eyewitness testimony, then, that Jesus’ tomb was empty because He had resurrected from the dead.

I believe the eyewitness testimony Matthew presents us with heightens the reality of this account. You see, women in Matthew’s day weren’t given a voice in society. They had no real rights. They couldn’t even be witnesses at a trial because their testimony was thought to be suspect. While that was true, Matthew doesn’t let that influence his account of Jesus’ resurrection. He doesn’t change the story by substituting men in for the women. Instead, he tells it just like it happened. I believe that adds even more credibility to his account.

But these two women’s testimony isn’t the only evidence we have. We also see that:

C. The soldiers testified to the resurrection.

Look at verse 11 in chapter 28,

“While they were going, behold, some of the guard went into the city and told the chief priests all that had taken place.” (Mt 28:11)

So as the two Mary’s were going to tell the disciples what had happened, some of the guards went to the chief priests and told them what they experienced. While their conversation isn’t documented word for word, we can be sure that they testified to the resurrected Savior. They saw the angel come down, roll the stone away, and Jesus walked out of the grave. They saw the two Mary’s come. I’m sure they heard the conversation the two Mary’s had with the angel. So while we don’t have the exact details of the conversation they had with the chief priests, I’m fairly certain they relayed these details to them.

What did the chief priests do with that information? Did they admit that they were wrong? Did they believe and become Jesus’ disciples?Not hardly. Instead, they instituted a massive coverup. Look at verse 12,

“And when they had assembled with the elders and taken counsel, they gave a sufficient sum of money to the soldiers and said, “Tell people, ‘His disciples came by night and stole him away while we were asleep.’ And if this comes to the governor’s ears, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.” So they took the money and did as they were directed. And this story has been spread among the Jews to this day.” (Mt 28:12–15)

So they came up with a story. One that at face value might be believable but when you dig in just a bit you find it’s not. You see, the soldiers would have slept in shifts if they slept at all. They were only going to be posted there for a couple of days. It’s hardly believable that they would have slept through the disciples moving a massive stone and taking a body out of an unfamiliar tomb in the dark. One of them was bound to wake up, even if they all did go to sleep. So their story is hardly believable, but it circulated and many believed it.

I think the willingness of people to believe such an unbelievable story gives further credence to the reality of the resurrection. It shows that people are willing to believe even the absurd if it means they don’t have to believe in and submit to Jesus as their Lord and Savior. So the fact that people would believe this impossible story is further evidence that the resurrection was a reality.

As we continue in the text, we that the two Mary’s and the soldiers weren’t the only ones who saw the resurrected Jesus. At the end of chapter 28,

D. Jesus’ disciples also encounter the resurrected Jesus

The end of chapter 28 pictures the disciples encounter with Jesus before He ascended into heaven. Meeting with them, He gave them a commission. He told them to take the good news of His life-saving death and resurrection to the world. And you know what? They did that. They went from Jerusalem to the end of the Roman world to tell people that Jesus was their Savior. That on the cross He suffered the punishment that we all deserve.

You see, as sinners, we deserve to be punished by God. But God loves us, so He makes a way for us to escape His wrath by sending Jesus to take our punishment for us. And when we believe that Jesus did suffer in our place, when we believe that He is our Savior, when repent or turn from our sin, from a life lived in rebellion to God, when we do that, we experience a saving relationship with Jesus. His death becomes our death; His resurrection becomes our resurrection. This is the gospel message that the disciples took the world, which is the same gospel we proclaim today.

The reason they spread the good news even though it cost them was that they were confronted with the reality of the resurrected Savior. You see, if Jesus hadn’t raised from the dead, and if they didn’t believe He was their Savior, it would have been ridiculous for them to spread this message because they would have suffered for no reason. But their suffering wasn’t in vain because Jesus is the resurrected Savior.

So we see, then, that Jesus’ body wasn’t stolen from the tomb by His disciples as the Jews and many others claim. Instead, He walked out as a resurrected Savior. The two Mary’s, the Soldiers, and the Disciples all testify to that fact.

Next Time

Next time we will look at how we should respond when confronted with the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus.

Question for Reflection

Do you believe Jesus resurrected from the grave?

Resources

Post adapted from my sermon: Was Jesus’ Resurrection an Illusion or a Reality?

Was Jesus’ Resurrection an Illusion or a Reality? – Part 1

On April 6, 2018 By Dr. Casey LewisIn DevotionalsLeave a comment

I’m sure some of you have heard of David Copperfield. According to Forbes magazine, he’s one of the most commercially successful magicians of our time. What makes him so successful is his ability to make his illusions appear real. I remember watching one of his shows where he made the Statue of Liberty disappear. I remember wondering how did he do that because it seemed so real. And so does everything else he does in his show, which is why he’s successful and famous.

While David Copperfield is really good at what he does, we know he’s just an illusionist. Just like we know that David Copperfield is an illusionist, many wonder if Jesus was one too. I say that because there are many who think Jesus’ resurrection wasn’t a reality but an illusion.

But is that true? Was Jesus’ resurrection just an illusion or was it a reality?

I’m going to offer you several proofs over the next several posts that I believe tell us that Jesus’ resurrection was a reality and not just an illusion. We are going to start with the death and burial of Jesus. As we do, we see that

The Death and Burial of Jesus was a Reality (vs. Matt 27)

Swoon Theory

I start here because there are some who would go so far as to say that Jesus didn’t really die on the cross. Instead, they claim He just passed out. Since he wasn’t dead, He was able to walk out of the grave. After meeting with His disciples and recovering from His injuries, He lived out His life in relative obscurity in a play to fool everyone that He had resurrected from the grave and ascended into heaven. This is known as the Swoon Theory.

Now, to me, that theory sounds absurd. It’s fraught with all kinds of holes as we will see in a minute. But it comes back up in discussions surrounding Jesus’ resurrection from time to time, especially around Easter. For that reason, we need to start with the death and burial of Jesus so that we will know that Jesus really was dead when He was placed in the grave.

How do we know Jesus was really dead?

A. Pilate would have made sure Jesus was dead

Matthew 27 recounts the arrest, trial, death, and burial of Jesus. If we skip to the end of the trial, we learn that Pilate thought Jesus was innocent. That the accusations against Him were nothing more than trumped up charges levied against an innocent man by a jealous and offended Jewish leadership.
Pilate saw this. Not wanting to condemn an innocent man to death, he gave the people a choice between letting Jesus or Barabbas go. He thought the people would certainly choose Jesus because Barabbas was a notorious criminal and it seemed obvious that Jesus was innocent. But the Jewish leaders stirred the people up so that they chose Barabbas over Jesus, And when Pilate asked what he should do with Jesus, they called for Him to be crucified. I think it’s safe to say that Pilate’s plan had backfired, but, as we learn in verse 24, he didn’t want to risk a riot so he gave in to their request.

I bring that backstory up because after Jesus’ death Joseph of Arimathea went to Pilate in verse 58 and asked for Jesus’ body so that he might give Him a proper burial. Pilate conceded and handed Jesus’ body over.

Now, knowing the back story, there was no way that Pilate would have done that if Jesus were still alive.If he did, he would have had a mess on his hands.
Certainly, a riot would have occurred. And most likely he would have been removed from his position as governor. While Pilate knew Jesus was innocent, he wasn’t willing to risk his position and all the privileges that came with it just to save Him. You can be sure, then, that when Pilate handed Him over Jesus was dead.

But Pilate wasn’t the only one who had a vested interest in making sure that Jesus was dead, the Soldiers did as well.

B. Roman Soldiers handled Jesus

You see, in Rome, a soldier’s life was at stake every time he guarded a criminal. If they escaped, he most likely would be killed. This is why John tells us in his gospel that the soldiers ran a spear into Jesus’ heart before taking Him down off the cross. They wanted to make sure he was dead. Even after removing Him from the cross, they would have inspected his body.

All that to say, then, that when Joseph of Arimathea received Jesus, He was dead. Both Pilate and the Soldiers would have made sure of that.

But their examination isn’t all we have to go on, we also know that:

C. Joseph of Arimathea handled Jesus.

He cleaned Him, prepared Him for burial, and placed Him in the tomb.

And then,

D. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were present at Jesus’ burial.

They witnessed Him being placed in the tomb and the stone being rolled in front.If Jesus were alive, this group would have realized that and kept Him from the grave. But Jesus’ wasn’t alive. He was dead. We know that because a number of people either made sure that He was dead or handled Him after His death.

Next Time

While it is true that Jesus was dead when He was placed in the grave, it was also true that the grave couldn’t hold Jesus. Next time we will look at the proofs that tell us Jesus resurrected from the grave.

Question for Reflection

Do you believe Jesus was really dead when He was placed in the grave?

Resources

Post adapted from my sermon: Was Jesus’ Resurrection an Illusion or a Reality?

What Does the Song of Solomon Teach us about Relationships and Sex? – Part 3

On March 8, 2018March 8, 2018 By Dr. Casey LewisIn Family, Practical1 Comment

Another thing our culture will tell you is that sex outside of marriage is fine, if not necessary. You wouldn’t commit to buying a car before test driving it, the idea goes, so why would you commit to someone in marriage before having sex. But the biblical idea is much different.

(3) While the world tells you to try it before you buy it, the Bible tells you to wait.

That means that sex should take place within the bounds of the marriage covenant. In the Song of Solomon waiting isn’t seen as a negative, but a positive. Just before they consummate the marriage, the groom says starting in verse 9 of chapter 4,

“You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than any spice! Your lips drip nectar, my bride; honey and milk are under your tongue; the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed. Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices— a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon.” (So 4:9–15)

Reading this, the first thing you’ll notice is that he’s definitely using different language than we would use, but what he’s getting across is his love for her and how much he values her purity. He compares her virginity to a locked garden, a sealed fountain, after which he lists a number of unique and valuable items that are set apart from everyday use in order to communicate her value. So apart from the world’s concern, we see that the groom was satisfied with his soon to be wife, even praising her for her virginity.

He was satisfied with her and will continue to be satisfied with her because he actually built a relationship with her. It wasn’t all about the physical act of sex. That wasn’t what drove their relationship. Instead, their relationship was driven by a desire for one another that transcended sex.

Their relationship, then, not only teaches us that we should reserve sex for marriage, but it also teaches us that we must build our relationship on something other than sex.

Question for Reflection

How are you working to build a relationship that’s not centered on sex?

Resources

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Post developed from my sermon What does the Song of Solomon Teach us about Relationships and Sex?

What Does the Song of Solomon Teach us about Relationships and Sex? – Part 2

On February 28, 2018 By Dr. Casey LewisIn Practical1 Comment

Not only has our culture distorted God’s view of a relationship, but it has also distorted the purpose of sex. Sex has become a way to elicit attention, to get what you want, or nothing more than a physical experience. Fashion magazines, T.V. shows, and movies are not only to blame for this trend, but also the accessibility of pornography.

Gone are the days where one had to purchase a magazine or VHS take to access porn. Nowadays it’s as easy as opening a web browser on your phone. As a result, the average age of those who are being influenced by porn is growing younger and younger with every passing year, which has had a major effect on how we think about sex. So with everything we have access to and are bombarded with every day you can see how easy it is for the world to distort the purpose of sex.

While the world has distorted the purpose of sex, the Bible, and specifically the Song of Solomon teaches us that sex serves a greater purpose.

(2) Sex is a way to increase intimacy that already exists in a relationship.

Without sex, a relationship will grow stagnant and cold. Sex, then, is important to the vitality of a relationship.

While it’s true that sex is an important part of a relationship, it’s just as important that a relationship exist before and after one has sex. That is what I want you to see from the Song of Solomon. A careful reading of the text reveals that their relationship wasn’t consummated until the end of chapter 4 and the beginning of chapter 5. Everything before that is about their courtship and wedding. During their courtship, we learn some key ideas when it comes to building and even maintaining a relationship with our spouse.

In verses 5 and 6 of chapter 1, the bride confesses her insecurity and the groom immediately begins working at assuring her instead of tearing her down.

“I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!” (So 1:5–6)

While it’s a sign of beauty to be tan today, in that day it wasn’t. It meant that you were a part of the working class and not the nobility. So we learn then that her social status was of particular concern. This was exacerbated because she was being courted by the king. But instead of keeping her concern to herself, she shared it.

Hearing her concern, notice what the groom says starting in verse 9,

“I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels.” (So 1:9–10)

Comparing your woman to a mare might not win you many points today, but it did back then. His comment about Pharaoh’s mare meant that she was exceedingly beautiful. You see, Pharaoh only had the best, most beautiful and sought-after mare’s pulling his chariot. If comparing her to one of Pharoah’s mares didn’t assure her, he also compared her beauty to that of a string of jewels worn around one’s neck. Their exchange teaches us several things:

(1) We must be vulnerable, sharing that which makes us self-conscious.

(2) We must build up and assure rather than tear our spouse down.

These are crucial if we want to further or maintain a relationship with one another. We need to know that we can share things with each other and that the other person will help us work through them.

(3) We must be attracted to more than their physical appearance.

In verse 15 we read,

“Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves.” (So 1:15)

Obviously, he thinks that she is physically beautiful. But her beauty goes beyond her physical appearance. His comment that her eyes are doves tells us something about her character — it’s pure and tranquil. He, then, is attracted not only to her physical beauty but her inner beauty as well. So while physical attraction is important, there must be other things that draw us together because believe it or not beauty will fade.

(4) There must be a certain level of protection — physical, emotional, and economic.

(5) Our love for one another must be shown through various acts.

Look at verses 3 and 4 of chapter 2 and 7 and 8 of chapter 3.

“As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” (So 2:3–4)

“Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night.” (So 3:7–8)

The idea that she is sitting in his shadow and the mentioning of the army tells us that he is providing protection. As well as the banner at the banqueting house represents his public love and affection for her. So we also learn that if we want to grow and maintain relationship these two must be present – protection and affection.

(6) We must spend time alone

Look at the second half of verse 13 and verse 14 in chapter 2,

“Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” (So 2:13-14)

Basically, in the most poetic way possible, he is asking her on a date, to spend time with him alone away from everyone and everything else. This is something that has to occur not only when a relationship is just starting but all throughout our relationship.

Most of us didn’t have a problem going on dates when we first met our spouse. We were excited, we want to get to know the other person, so we carved out time to be alone with them. But for many, once they tied the knot all that changed. They became comfortable. They quit going on dates and spending time with one another. But that something you can’t do. You have to continue to date one another.

Now, I’m not saying I’m perfect at this. It is certainly something I’m working on. But while I might not be perfect at it, what I do know is that if I want to maintain my relationship with my wife and increase intimacy, I must spend time alone with her.

(7) We have to work on our problems

Look at verse 15 of chapter 2. She says to him,

“Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.”” (So 2:15)

Foxes have a tendency to be destructive, so her reference to these animals probably suggest that there were some problems in their relationship that she felt they needed to work on. She was asking him to take the initiative to begin working toward solving those problems. You see, we can’t just push our problems aside, ignoring them, hoping everything is going to change because it’s not going to happen. Problems have to be addressed in order for things to change and for the relationship to move forward or continue.

So those are 7 things you can apply today to either begin or maintain your relationship. What these 7 things tell us is that a certain level of intimacy must exist before sex occurs. And that level of intimacy must continue if we want our sex lives to be fulfilling. You see, emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand and hand, which tells us that one deepens the other.