Marriage does not so much as bring you into confrontation with your spouse as confront you with yourself. Marriage shows you a realistic, unflattering picture of who you are and then takes you by the scruff of the neck and forces you to pay attention to it.
This may sound discouraging, but it is really the road to liberation. Counselors will tell you that the only flaws that can enslave you are the ones that you are blind to. If you are in denial about some feature of your character, that feature will control you. But marriage blows the lid off, turns the lights on. Now there is hope. Finally you can begin dealing with the real you. Don’t resist this power that marriage has. Give your spouse the right to talk to you about what is wrong with you, Paul talks about how Jesus “washes” and “cleanses” us of stains and blemishes. Give your spouse the right to do that.
Question for Reflection
- Have you given your spouse the right to tell you what is wrong with you?
Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage, 140.