How Can Husbands Love Their Wives Self-Sacrificially?

The Bible calls husbands to love their wives self-sacrificially. In Colossians 3:19 the apostle Paul writes,

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” (Col 3:19)

And again in Ephesians 5, comparing a husband’s love to Jesus’ love of the church, Paul says:

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Eph 5:28)

We could explore other passages, but you get the point. The Bible is big on husbands loving their wives.

The Type of Love

The type of love husbands are to have for their wives is a self-sacrificial love. We know this because the Greek word behind love in these verses is agape. Agape, in Greek, denotes a self-sacrificial love. It is same love Jesus demonstrated when He went to the cross for our sins, sacrificing Himself for us. Agape love then is a love that gives rather than takes. It is a love that sacrifices.

How do we love our wives in a self-sacrificial manner?

(1) We love our wives self-sacrificially by not being harsh with her.

In the second half of verse 19 in Colossians 3, Paul specifically commands husbands not to be “harsh” with their wives. When I first read this, I didn’t fully understand what Paul was saying, so I did some research into the word “harsh”.  I found it means that husbands aren’t to make their wives bitter or resentful because of unfair or abusive treatment. Instead, husbands are to treat their wives fairly, not using or abusing them. As well as husbands aren’t to make decisions or perform actions that would make their wives resentful.

What are some things that might make your wife resentful?

  • An unwillingness or not offering to help with the kids.
  • Not abiding by the family budget.
  • Going off with your buddies all the time instead of doing things with the family.
  • Glueing yourself to the TV instead of helping out around the house or talking with your wife.
  • Caring or ministering to others whenever they ask, but not setting aside time to do so for your wife.

(2) We love our wives self-sacrificially by leading in a non-selfish way

Being the head or the leader of your household doesn’t mean you always get your way. That’s not how Jesus leads. Since we are modeling our love and leadership after His, we should act as He acts. When Jesus came it wasn’t all about Him, instead, it was all about us. Remember, He left His heavenly abode, took the body of a man, gave up His rights, and His life for us.

We are to do the same. We are to give up our rights for our wives, sacrificing for them, instead of always demanding our own way. When we do that, we are loving and leading in a non-selfish way.

(3) We love our wives self-sacrificially by seeking to build her up in the Lord.

Husbands are to do all they can to promote their wife’s well-being and sanctification. Marriage, then, is about more than fulfilling our own sexual appetites. It is about us working to build up and sanctify our wives, washing them with the Word of God, in order to ready them to meet their heavenly husband — Christ.

(4) We love our wives self-sacrificially by providing for her physically and emotionally.

As a husband, we are to make sure we are doing all that we can to provide for our wife. Certainly that means we are to make sure her basic needs are met. But our wife’s basic needs are just one area for which we are to provide. Along with providing physically, we are also to provide emotionally. Men, including myself, often miss the mark on this one. I believe that is because it is easier for us to spend our energy working than it is to spend our energy talking, listening, and drawing our wives out. But if we want to love our wives as Christ loves the church – self-sacrificially – we must provide for both her physical and emotional needs.

Question for Reflection

  1. What other ways can a husband self-sacrificially love his wife?

Resources

Image

Adapted from my sermon A Wife’s Submission and a Husband’s Love

 

Protect Your Wife From Yourself

lthe-masculine-mandateI used to think that if a man came into my house to attack my wife, I would certainly stand up to him. But then I came to realize that the man who enters my house and assaults my wife every day is me, through my anger, my harsh words, my complaints, and my indifference. As a Christian, I came to realize that the man I needed to kill in order to protect my wife is myself as a sinner.

Richard Philips, The Masculine Mandate, 87

Should We Redefine Quality Time in the Internet Age?

I recently came across an old article I had saved that appeared in the New York Times back in 2011. The article is entitled Quality Time, Redefined. It was written by Alex Williams. You can read it here. In his article, Williams argues computers, Kindles, and iDevices, such as the iPhone, iPad, and iTouch, are creating a different form of quality time for families.

Quality Time?

Throughout the article, Williams provides anecdotal evidence from families and couples, who believe these devices have given them more opportunity for quality time, even though they are simultaneously connected to “parallel worlds” through their iDevices. He tells of a family who spends their nights reading, watching shows on iTunes, doing homework, and playing video games all at the same time, in the same room, on each of their individual devices, while interacting with one another about the content they are digesting.

One mom says, “An evening like that can bring more closeness than a night spent huddling over a board game back in the days of analog.”

Williams agrees, and he believes this and other accounts serve as evidence that “technology is bringing the family together, not pulling it apart.” He believes families are pulled together because the “proliferation of devices and media options make it easier for family members to pursue their interests online while seated in the same room.”

But does spending time doing your own thing, submerged in your own world, really count as quality time?

Not in my opinion. Sure, these families are in the same room, and they may even be interacting, but they are not building meaningful relationships with one another. They are, instead, projecting their digital world onto each other through momentary blips of conversation, which doesn’t serve to build deep relationships.

Relationship are built by interacting with one another in a meaningful way. In this article, you don’t hear of anyone talking about their day, the struggles they are having at work or school. Parents are not walking their children through Scripture, nor are they teaching, or even modeling a Christian worldview. Husbands are not washing their wives in the Word, and no one is practicing or learning self-sacrifice. Instead, they are celebrating Mario Kart victories, and sharing an occasional laugh at the latest Facebook video.

These families have not found a new way to experience quality time together. They have, instead, found a new way to experience “Me Time”, while making themselves feel as if they are experiencing family time.

Quality Time Involves

Quality time involves members of the family actually talking to and interacting with one another on a deeper level. Rather than treat the iPad as if it is a pacifier for teenagers, parents need to spend time talking with and drawing their kids out, and couples should be doing the same. A night on the couch indulging in Facebook, Twitter, and Hulu does not build long and lasting relationships. Nor does it allow parents to teach their children the ways of the Lord.

Families need to take time to unplug and disengage from their computers long enough to actually sit and talk with one another. Rather than “veg out” in front of the latest iDevice, parents should be opening the Scriptures with their children and teaching them what the Word of the Lord says. They should be modeling prayer and true Christian fellowship for their children. As well as parents should be spending time discussing the latest social trends, in order to help their children, teenagers in particular, develop a Christian worldview. Doing these things constitutes quality time.

Conclusion

So while the latest technologies are allowing families to spend more time in the same room together, it does not mean they are spending quality time together. Quality time is not interacting while having screen time. Instead, quality time is time together engaged in real and meaningful activity and conversation, which is uninterrupted and unencumbered by our iDevices.

Question for Reflection

  1. What do you regard as quality time?